I’m Struggling To Meditate And I Get Distracted Easily. Any Tips For Beginners?

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a distraction illustration

There are many kinds of meditation and all of them provide multiple benefits to anyone who practices. Mindfulness meditation is the underlying meditation in that it specifically deals with building the skill of paying attention. That skill comes in handy when practicing other kinds of meditation such as mantra, visualization, sound, prayer and more. Some meditations are connected to a religious or spiritual tradition and others are secular in that they are not connected to any particular tradition. Many people simply use meditation to explore awareness/consciousness and use that exploration to more deeply understand and experience life.

Meditation has been around for thousands of years and over the past thirty years Western science has confirmed what millions of people over thousands of years already know. Science and experience teaches us that meditation reduces stress and opens us up to new and deeper ways of experiencing life. Meditation therefore is for everyone, young, old and in between. Lately more and more children are learning to meditate, particularly mindfulness meditation, and the results have been very positive not only in their school studies but in emotional intelligence as well. We are finding that in fact children come to meditation easier perhaps because they haven’t had time to take on the resistance to it that adults experience. I’ve taught and written curriculum for thousands of children and have learned from them that the focus that comes through meditation is a natural experience that is available to all.

Learning meditation is like learning anything new. There is usually some kind of resistance and distraction is a major one. If we have a good plan for dealing with resistance and distraction then we are more likely to continue to practice. Setting up good habits for practicing meditation is an excellent way to begin. Here are five that I have found to be helpful.

1. Set up a regular schedule. We are creatures of habit so it is important especially in the beginning to set up a schedule that is the same everyday. I recommend picking a time in the morning that allows you to practice before your daily activity. It’s a great way to start the day and the effects of the meditation will continue with you throughout the day. This will have a very positive influence on how each day unfolds for you. Studies show that habits take about eight weeks to establish so be patient with yourself as you begin.

2. Create a meditation space. Set up a space where you can be comfortable meditating that has few distractions. Creating comfort is important to motivation and sustaining practice. Start with setting up a comfortable place to sit. Whether it is a cushion or a chair pick out something that will enhance comfort. Also, if possible make this space an expression of your meditation practice in that it should express silence, stillness and focus. In so doing it would be good to remove anything that can cause distractions such as phones, televisions and computers. Also keep the room at a moderate temperature.

3. Tend to your stomach. Get into the habit of meditating while your stomach is at ease. This is important and needs to be emphasized. Our stomachs have way more influence over us that we care to admit. If we are full then the stomach uses our energy for digestion. If we are too hungry then our stomach tries to get our attention to eat. Either way is a distraction. We want to be in the middle. Not too hungry and not too full. This will make meditation easier and is an important habit to create.

4. Be gentle with yourself. Some days meditation will be easy and some days not so much. Although there is a lot to be said for the discipline of sticking to a certain number of minutes regardless of difficulty there is also a lot to be said for being gentle with yourself particularly in the beginning. If you set aside thirty minutes for meditation and find that you are struggling, then it is fine to shorten the meditation to accommodate the resistance. Meditation is a journey, not a destination so we have no need to rush for results. Your practice will flourish in time and there is a natural rhythm that you will find that will allow you to be gentle with yourself as well as able to develop and sustain the habit.

5. Make a list of why your are meditating. Once you make your list of why you are meditating get into the habit of reviewing the list a least once a week. During times of resistance and distraction this list will remind you why you are practicing. The list can be revised when necessary and can be used to bolster motivation. The list can be long or short and can contain such things as reducing stress, communicating more clearly with yourself and others, having less fear, experiencing life with more joy, having more compassion, deepening understanding and creating more peace. Write down what is most meaningful for you and revisit your list on a regular basis.

6. Pick something simple like the breath to focus on in the beginning. When you notice that the attention is distracted, recognize the distraction and return to the breath. Do this as often as needed and understand that recognizing distraction is an important part of the practice. Embrace distraction in this way and you will create a successful relationship with your meditation practice.

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I’m Highly Sensitive. How Do I Toughen Up?

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man in bubble

There is a certain percentage of the population that falls into the category of being highly sensitive. The good news is that being highly sensitive gives you added insight and experience into a lot of different situations. The bad news is that most highly sensitive people suffer from not being able to “handle” the experience and information that comes to them through their sensitivity. They become distressed in situations where less sensitive people have no reaction at all.

Overstimulation physically, mentally and emotionally are common among the highly sensitive. Because of this overstimulation there is a pressing need to rest and recharge on a regular basis where if that need is ignored often times it results in depression, saddness and anxiety to name just a few conditions. Some people are so sensitive that they over empathize with people and actually experience what the other people are experiencing. If they are with positive, healthy people then that is a good thing but all too often they fall prey to their over sensitivity/empathizing in negative situations and experience the negativity coming from other people , things and places. Healthcare providers are particularly suseptible to this and many of them actually take on the physical, mental and emotional distress their patients present with.

So how does the sensitive person toughen up? I’ve found that many highly sensitive people lack a core focus. What I mean by that is that they are not centered and connected to themselves and bodies. When our attention is not in our bodies it tends to drift and many times it drifts into negative situations. At that point the highly sensitive person will mistake someone or something else’s experience for their own. When that happens the highly sensitive person will absorb the “other” experience.

Until lately there has been no widely available training to help highly sensitive people “toughen up” and create a solid centered core in their own body. Mindfulness is the training that connects people to their own bodies and allows them to remain connected in the face of negativity. A mindful person will recognize and experience negativity as something other than who they really are and by focusing on the anchor of their own body will be able to “toughen up” and not be susceptible to the negativity coming from elsewhere. Mindfulness, or keeping ones’s attention in the present moment by being fully connected to the body has been around for a long time but has only relatively recently become known enough to be available to the broader population. Helping highly sensitive people “toughen up “ is only one of the many reasons to practice being present.

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Mindfulness: Is It Ever Too Late To Build My Low Self-Esteem?

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tree with rainbow in background

Let’s start with the definition of self esteem. According to the dictionary self esteem is ”confidence in one’s own worth or abilities”. Some synonyms are “self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself, morale, self-confidence, confidence and self-assurance”.

Some signs of low self esteem are: a string of thoughts and feelings including self doubt, negativity, incapability, discomfort, procrastination, frustration, fear, anger unhappiness and shyness. Can we actually reverse low self esteem and if so what is the most effective way?

My experience and research tells us that low self esteem is reversible and there have been hundreds of books that fill hundreds of pages that give the recipe for addressing this issue. Some of the “to do” things to reverse low self esteem are: become positive, stay away from negative things and people, become decisive, love and have compassion for self, be thankful, appreciative and forgive. These are all good qualities that can in fact turn the tide against low self esteem. We can go on for quite some time listing the traits that will build self esteem but I like to start with causes that create the problem in the first place.

To me the main cause of low self esteem is fear. Fear is the starting point for the downhill slide into low self esteem. All of the characteristics of low self esteem, some of which I listed above, are simply iterations of the primary fear. I think it is a good idea to address the “to do” list of behavior change that will be instumental in increasing self esteem but if the core fear isn’t addressed along with it, you will be wasting your time. In fact, addressing the fear as the main strategy is highly effective.

I have found that fear is most effectively addresed by incorporating the practice of mindfulness into your life. Mindfulness has a way of keeping the nervous system clear of the core fear that rears it’s head in the fight or flight response, particularly when it gets stuck for extended periods of time. It’s impossible to be in fear when you are “in the moment”. All things negative tend to fall away on their own when in the moment. This “falling away” is what allows for the gradual arising of all the qualities that we associate with a healthy self esteem.

So rest assured that low self esteem is reversible and that mindfulness combined with a natural healing process and common sense will put you on the right path.

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How Can Mindfulness/Meditation Help Us To Avoid Overindulging In Food And Drink?

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woman eating large sandwich

We all cut back on food and drink from time to time for different reasons. The common denominator is that it is a reaction to overindulging. By cutting back we can look better and feel better. There’s nothing wrong with using both of these reasons to create the motivation for a successful diet. From time to time I will diet, particularly after the holidays when I gather with friends and family and overindulge. Other than the occasional eating and drinking binge which can be remedied by returning to a sensible diet, why do some of us constantly seem to be trying to cut back on food and drink?

The unfortunate reality in our culture today is that there is a larger number of us who are more overweight than ever before in addition to a growing dependency on drink/alcohol. There are many reasons for this but the experts seem to agree that most people who overindulge don’t do it because they are hungry and thirsty for alcohol but because they are stressed. There is a general consensus that people overindulge in an effort to satisfy some emotional need. In the end, many of us use food and alcohol to provide the emotional comfort that we are craving from a perceived lack of satisfaction from our lives. Stress is the usual suspect in creating this kind of coping behavior to compensate for something we feel we lack emotionally.

Mindfulness is well known for reducing stress but specifically how does it address our ability to stop overindulging successfully? At the root of our emotional stress is the fight, freeze or flight response. It is the way we are hard wired to successfully survive. When we go into fight, freeze or flight we do so because we feel as though our survival is at stake. There are many physical, mental and emotional changes that take place during this experience, all designed to help us survive.This is a very positive genetic advantage that we have and it serves us well unless we end up prolonging the experience.

Science has confirmed that many of us prolong or get stuck in fight, freeze or flight sometimes for years. This creates many problems but the overriding problem is our belief that our survival is constantly being threatened on some level. In most cases, of course, it is not. It is simply the message the body is giving us when we are stuck in the survival mode. One of the many ways we cope with this perceived survival threat is by overindulging in food and drink. Unfortunately when we are stuck in survival mode no amount of food and drink will be enough to satisfy that fear….so we just keep eating and drinking. This of course is usually happening on an unconscious level and it is the driving force in what is making us overindulge.

The good news about mindfulness is that it is known to take us out of the survival mode which allows the body to get rid of the fear of surviving and return us to a balanced lifestyle which includes eating when we are actually hungry and drinking for the enjoyment and not to satisfy the perceived emotional need to survive. Once that fear goes away we can return to having a healthy relationship with our food and alcohol and can successfully break the roller coaster of overindulging.

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How Do I Learn To Appreciate Silence?

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woman silence sign

Learning to appreciate silence in our busy culture can be a challenge. The overwhelming characteristics of a busy culture are noise and activity, both of which have become the norm for us. This is not the case in other cultures where activity and noise are much less and the natural silence that is all around us and in us prevails.

Throughout history silence has been recognized and valued as part of our inner development leading to inner and outer balance. Traditional meditation is done in silence and it is known that this silent meditation can lead to a sense of peace and well being. Periods of silence outside of meditation have also been valued for centuries leading to extended periods of valuable introspection leading to deep insights on the nature of life and the age old questions of existence. These insights through silence have the ability to transform our lives in every way, making life a joy to live.

Silence is also an integral part of communication. I know this doesn’t seem to make sense at first glance since many of us equate talking with communication. The reality is that most of our communicating is done through silent body language and the little verbal communication that takes place is enhanced by being silent and listening.

Coexistence of inner silence and outer noise:

It is important to know that there can be inner silence and outer noise at the same time. We are all familiar with the outer noise which fills the spaces around us and prevents us from bathing in the silence of the ears. What is also important to know is that once the inner silence is strong enough it can be sustained in any situation including the noise around us. This is a very beneficial quality to have and leads to deeper peace and well being. Practice being silent in meditation and bring this silence into daily activity. It will reward you in many ways.

Resistance to silence:

When we begin to practice silence we may notice some resistance. Since silence is something that most of us are not used to it is not unusual to encounter some push back. When I began to practice silence many years ago I noticed that from time to time that I became bored, restless and anxious. Over the years people have told me the same thing, although it can vary significantly from person to person. I persevered with practice and gradually the resistance went away and the many benefits of silence emerged. I have seen this practice of silence unfold in this way with thousands of people who were willing to commit to the practice. You too can begin to experience and appreciate the many benefits of silence. Practice periods of silent meditation and silence in everyday life and you will discover many of the age old benefits just waiting to emerge into your life.

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Five Benefits Of Meditating As Soon As You Wake Up

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okay sign with sun behind

I’ve been meditating for 48 years and because I’ve been teaching meditation for nearly that long I have had occasion to meditate during practically ever time of the day and night depending on when my class is. For my personal practice I meditate first thing in the morning right after I wake up. After about 10 minutes of personal preparation I am ready to begin my meditation. Right after meditation and as an extension of the meditation I do yoga, tai chi, weights and cardio such as hiking or biking. The benefits of doing meditation and/or meditation based movement first thing in the morning are striking. Generally, it sets the tone for the rest of the day because there is a spill over effect that lasts throughout the entire day. There are many documented benefits to meditation and the idea of those benefits continuing throughout the day is very compelling. Let’s look at some of those benefits that allow us to create the kind of day we want.

1. Energy. Meditation releases endorphins which are not only a good source of energy but a good source of “feel good” energy. The endorphins also put us in a good mood which helps us to be happy and effective in our relationships. Meditation also puts us into a relaxed state which allows for the flow of natural energy. Energy prepares us for the experiences of the day.

2. Focus. We know that meditation increases our ability the focus and pay attention. Regardless of what we do during the day it will be enhanced by our ability to pay attention, see the big picture and the details as well. This is a big part of becoming a clear thinker. This focus will carry us throughout the day.

3. Peak Performance/In The Zone. If we combine the first two benefits of energy and focus we will be entering the experience of “the flow”. Most of us are familiar with this experience in one way or another. To be able to sustain this to a good degree for the entire day is very beneficial. It is characterized by a sense of ease combined with a sense of efficiency and connectedness.

4. Productive. If you combine the first three benefits of energy, focus and the “flow” we will find that we are being more productive than ever with less stress. However we define production, we will have more of it and sustained throughout the day. We will feel good about it and those around you will too.

5. Excellent decision making ability. As a result of the previous 4 benefits we will be more connected to ourselves and the world around us allowing for us to see the big picture, gather information and consequently make decisions that benefit the health and wellness of ourselves and those around us. We will carry this empathy and compassion throughout the day and be seen as a true leader, one who leads by example.

These are the five big picture reasons for starting the day with meditation. There are many more secondary reasons but we can look at these as being “the well from which the water flows”.

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How Meditation Affects Neurotransmitters And How They Affect Our Overall Well Being.

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What are Neurotransmitters?

brain and neurotransmitters

There is a very large network of specialized cells that make up your nervous system. The average human brain houses over 100 billion nerve cells (neurons) with each connected to 10,000 or so other cells. Everything we do – all of our movements, thoughts, and feelings – is the result of these nerve cells talking with one another via electrical and chemical signals.

Neurons are not in direct contact with each other; in order to communicate with each other, they rely on  chemicals called neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that coordinate the transmission of signals from one nerve cell to the next. These neurotransmitters regulate a wide variety of processes including emotions, fear, pleasure, joy, anger, mood, memory, cognition, attention, concentration, alertness, energy, appetite, cravings, sleep, and the perception of pain.

There are a number of studies that have measured the effects of meditation on the “feel good” neurotransmitters and today we will talk about just five of the many neurotransmitters that meditation affects in a positive way.

1. Serotonin. Known by many scientists as the “happy” neurotransmitter, serotonin is key to helping relay signals from one part of the brain to another. This crucial chemical has a profound impact on our mood, contributing greatly to our overall state of well-being. When we don’t have enough we are depressed and when we have enough we have a sense of well being. A number of studies show that meditation such as mindfulness increases serotonin.

2. Endorphins. Endorphins are the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Perhaps the most widely known, endorphins are most associated with exercise. Runner’s “high” is a common effect and similar descriptions have been given to many other activities in the exercise category. Mindfulness meditation studies have shown increases in endorphins after meditation and at higher levels than exercise.

3. GABA. GABA (gamma aminobutyric acid) is one of the major inhibitory neurotransmitters in your central nervous system. GABA is the neurotransmitter that is associated with feelings of calm. Not having enough of this chemical can create problems including anxiety, nervousness, racing thoughts, and sleeplessness. In 2010, Psychiatrists at the Boston University School of Medicine found a 27% increase in GABA levels after only 60 minutes of mindful meditation

4. DHEA. Although DHEA is technically a hormone, it acts directly on neurotransmitter systems to regulate synaptic transmission. When in a balanced state, the presence of DHEA facilitates what we call the “longevity molecule”. Meditation stimulates the correct amount of DHEA which in turn puts us in a position to take advantage of the “DHEA effect”. In fact, by measuring DHEA in the body we can more accurately measure “true age”.

5. Cortisol. Cortisol is a crossover between a hormone and a neurotransmitter. It is considered to be related to stress and whether it is acting as a hormone or a neurotransmitter if you have too much then you will experience high levels of stress. Meditation lowers cortisol and mindfulness meditation has been seen to reduce cortisol levels over a period of a few weeks.

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Can Mindfulness Help You Stick To Your Diet?

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healthy eating image

We all diet for different reasons. Some of us want to look better and some of us want to feel better. There’s nothing wrong with using both of these reasons to create the motivation for a successful diet. From time to time I will diet, particularly after the holidays when I gather with friends and family and overeat. Other than the occasional eating binge which can be remedied by returning to a sensible diet why do some of us constantly seem to be dieting?

The unfortunate reality in our culture today is that there is a larger number of us who are overweight than ever before. There are many reasons for that but the experts seem to agree that most overweight people don’t overeat because they are hungry but because they are stressed. There is a general consensus that people overeat in an effort to satisfy some emotional need. In the end, many of us use food to provide the emotional comfort that they are craving from a perceived lack of satisfaction from their lives. Stress is the usual suspect in creating this kind of coping behavior to compensate for something we feel we lack emotionally.

Mindfulness is well known for reducing stress but specifically how does it address our ability to diet successfully? At the root of our emotional stress is the fight, freeze or flight response. It is the way we are hard wired to successfully survive. When we go into fight, freeze or flight we do so because we feel as though our survival is at stake. There are many physical, mental and emotional changes that take place during this experience, all designed to help us survive.

This is a very positive genetic advantage that we have have and it serves us well unless we end up prolonging the experience.

Science has confirmed that many of us prolong or get stuck in fight, freeze or flight…..sometimes for years. This creates many problems but the overriding problem is our belief that our survival is constantly being threatened on some level. In most cases, of course, it is not. It is simply the message the body is giving us when we are stuck in the survival mode. One of the many ways we cope with this perceived survival threat is by overeating. We think that as long as we have enough to eat it will help our chances of survival. Unfortunately when we are stuck in survival mode no amount of food will be enough to satisfy that fear….so we just keep eating. This of course is usually happening on an unconscious level and it is the driving force in what is making us overeat.

The good news about mindfulness is that it is known to take us out of the survival mode which allows the body to get rid of the fear of surviving and return us to a balanced lifestyle which includes eating when we are actually hungry and not to satisfy the perceived emotional need to survive. Once that fear goes away we can return to having a healthy relationship with our food and can successfully break the roller coaster of binging and dieting.

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Using Mindfulness To Stop A Temper Tantrum

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woman temper tantrum

When we think of temper tantrums we usually associate them with children. The reality is that adults have temper tantrums too. It seems like the inner child is sometimes lurking just below the surface for some of us adults which can be a nice thing or in the case of the temper tantrum can be not so nice.

When it comes to learning mindfulness, children and adults can benefit in many ways. Reducing the incidence of temper tantrums is one of the beneficial by-products of mindfulness practice for both groups. I’ve taught mindfulness to children and adults and there are many similarities to the approach I use for both of them. There are differences too and I will discuss those differences shortly.

Temper tantrums come from a place of fear. We act out this way because we are afraid of something and feel the need to protect ourselves from that fear. Unfortunately these tantrums never get us anywhere and do nothing to relieve the fear we are feeling.  When fear is present there is a tendency to disconnect and there is also a tendency to stay disconnected for long periods of time. Mindfulness directly addresses the fear by teaching us how to reconnect to our bodies, thoughts, emotions and breath. As the reconnection gradually occurs the fear subsides. I call this the biology of fear. When we are fearful our autonomic nervous system goes into fight or flight and we disconnect. When we reconnect our autonomic nervous system comes out of fight or flight and we come out of fear. Mindfulness plays a central role in accomplishing this and the core practice of reconnecting is taught the exact same way for children as it is for adults.

Adults have an additional mindful approach that they can use to reconnect thereby doing away with temper tantrums. An adult can mindfully watch for patterns in their lives. It is important to notice patterns because it gives us the option to come out of automatic pilot and introduce choice into our lives. When we come out of automatic pilot we have access to much more information and are able to make informed choices. With mindfulness training we can teach ourselves to notice the patterns that lead up to the temper tantrum and before the pattern has the opportunity to express itself as a temper tantrum we can introduce mindfulness and the pattern will gradually dissipate defusing the temper tantrum.

Between mindfully addressing patterns that lead to temper tantrums and the core practice of reconnecting to ourselves and the present moment we have two very effective approaches for adults to eliminate temper tantrums. Children do well with the core approach and find that with mindful practice temper tantrums diminish.

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Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence, Compassion, Empathy, Resilience, Leadership and Vulnerability/Acceptance and Letting Go

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word collage

As mindfulness continues to explode upon the consciousness of the world it is finding new applications in many areas. Since emerging in popularity as a stress reduction program from Jon Kabat Zinn in 1979, it has taken on many other areas of development that are valuable to us as people. Areas such as Emotional Intelligence, Compassion, Empathy, Resilience, Leadership and Vulnerability have become the latest buzz words in the mindfulness community of trainings. I have seen these 6 words attached to mindfulness trainings in one form or another almost everywhere and because of that people are focusing on these desirable qualities.  Since all of these qualities are beneficial to us, it is a good thing to get the added attention to these areas. However, I wonder if too much is being made of this as I notice that trainings for these 6 areas are getting more and more complicated. Simplicity has always worked for me and I notice that as there is a move away from simplicity there is also a move away from effectiveness.

It seems to me that Emotional Intelligence, Compassion, Empathy, Resilience, Leadership and Vulnerability are qualities that cannot be taught but can be allowed to emerge. My experience has been that these 6 qualities are already part of who we are but in some cases are not able to be experienced and expressed. As mindfulness begins to allow us to connect with who we really are, we start to experience these 6 qualities as they emerge naturally in the process. As the awareness and attention grows, these natural qualities grow as well and continue to develop as more and more attention is placed on them.

I think mindfulness is more about removing the distractions to rather than the development of the 6 qualities and more. Imagine if the windshield of your car was dirty and you couldn’t see out of it. Now imagine if the windshield was clean and you could fully embrace the landscape. Addition by subtraction…… Lets keep it simple.

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